Each day our lives are impacted by sin. It could be our own sinful actions and nature, the tragic effects of the earth itself being corrupted (disasters, for example), and the sinful actions of others perpetrated against us. An example of the latter is abusive relationships. I don’t have first-hand experience, neither abusing nor having been abused, but I have counseled my brothers and sisters in Christ who have become entangled in such evil.

It was just recently that I was asked about such abuse. “What have I done to deserve this?” “Is it wrong for me to want to escape? If I stay, I can continue to be a witness to the Gospel and forgiveness. If I escape, aren’t I abandoning them to their sin?”

Are these your questions? Are these the questions of your friends or loved ones? Is someone perhaps asking these questions about your own actions?

If you are so entangled, know that our Lord Jesus has not forgotten you, he has not forsaken you, and he has not turned his back on you during these trying times. He knows what it is to feel the sting of the sin of another. He felt the sting of scourge and nails for the sins of the whole world, even these sins of abuse.

We feel the sting of such evil in our lives because we are still living here in this veil of tears. Jesus’ promises of bliss and tranquility are the promises of the new Heaven and new Earth. His assurances for this life are of trial, persecution, and suffering. We will have crosses to bear, we will have sicknesses (of body and mind), we will have tears and sadness. As these touch your life you are not loved any less by God. How could you be? You are already loved perfectly by God in Christ Jesus. You are loved fully and completely.

The nature of evil and why pain must exist in this life must wait for another post. What shall we do then when we find ourselves trapped in the cycle of abuse, codependency, and danger? I humbly offer these suggestions, links to expert information, and my most sincere prayers for all who abuse and all whom they abuse.

1. Escape. Find a way out of the relationship. You are worth much more in God’s eyes, in the eyes of your brothers and sisters in Christ, and to someone who would truly love you as a lover ought to.
2. In your escape, seek out care for those who have suffered abuse. The damage is deeper than the bruises, cuts, and the unspeakable. There is help to heal your body, mind, and soul.
3. You are not guilty. The blood of Jesus covers all your sins, and your having been abused is not a sin of yours. All the same, the guilt which you feel is taken away in the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Seek out where you may immerse yourself in the spiritual care of God’s Word and Sacraments.
4. Don’t be afraid. You grades may suffer. You may miss work. You may need to move. You may need to sever common ties between you and your abuser. Don’t be afraid. Your teachers/professors are glad that you are safe. Your pastor is thankful that you are free. Any boss should rejoice that his worker is free. Anyone worthy of being called your friend will also rejoice.
5. Your brothers and sisters in Christ are here to love you and care for you. You may need help packing, moving, driving, hiding, and surviving. The Body of Christ exists to care for the Body of Christ and to care for all people.

Finally, here are a few links that you may find helpful. Try to find a shelter in your area, friends who will help you, doctors who can care for you, and a pastor who can bring the Gospel to you. These are God’s gifts to bring you safely through.

In danger? Call 911.

Shelters in some major cities:
Austin, Texas: 512-267-SAFE (7233)
Chicago, Illinois
Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas
Detroit, Michigan
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Houston, Texas

National Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Lord Jesus, quickly come, that the darkness of these earthly days would be replaced by the perpetual light of your grace and glory which is our inheritance by your death and resurrection. In your holy name we pray. Amen.

Men, in particular: PAY ATTENTION. If I hear one more person say “Oh, Valentine’s Day is a card/candy company’s holiday,” especially men, I am going to wretch. It’s like saying, “I’m not going to buy hamburgers to grill on the Fourth of July, or watch any fireworks…” Scrooge! From a woman’s perspective, it’s not how much money you spend, but the THOUGHT (I’m sure you all have a few of those kicking around in your noggins) that truly makes the tradition of Valentine’s Day. Certianly you can do this any old day, but when there is a nationally recognized and official day that sharing and expressing your love to another is encouraged, what good is done by negating it? In fact, I would wager that the people that cop out on the Valentine’s Day…cop out every other day of the year, too.

Here is the website that explains the various traditions and history of one, St. Valentine, and how it has carried itself over into what we experience today as cultural norms. Do I agree with what out society deems as appropriate to express love? Not entirely. Chocolates and goofy pre-written cards are for the birds. But I do think it is a man’s duty to take the lead on these sorts of things, expressing his love for his wife in a way characteristic of Christ’s love in action to His Church, sacrificial and merciful to her that indicates the authentic relationship that God has brought together. Authenticity is key, and manifests itself uniquely through the distint personalities of husband and wife. So, practically speaking, special memories, inside jokes, and personal touches are exactly what the holiday calls for, and my hope and prayer is that every husband out there takes the lead, as head of household, to act upon the very love given to him in Christ.

But What about Me? Help and Hope for Women Whose Husbands are Considering the Pastoral Ministry

by Julie Stiegemeyer

“Now the LORD said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. …So Abram went, as the LORD had told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran. And Abram took Sarai his wife…” (Gen. 12:1-5).

These verses have always had special meaning for me because they were the basis of the first sermon that I heard in the seminary chapel at the opening service of my husband’s first year at the seminary. I’ve often wondered what Sarai was thinking and how she was coping with this sudden and life-changing journey. Was she crying as she left her mother? Did she see it as an adventure?

The thing I like about Sarah is how honest she was. She was far from perfect; she—along with Abraham—laughed in the face of God’s promise for a son in their old age (Gen. 17:17 and 18:12). But God, in His mercy, blessed her with His gifts, including a son they never dreamed they would have. Hebrews says: “By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised” (Hebrews 11:11). It was God who gave Sarah this faith, who helped her through all of the changes in her life. Over the years, I’ve heard and read a lot about being a pastor’s wife. The common perception is that a pastor’s wife lives in a “fishbowl”—meaning that everyone is always watching her. I’ve had strangers come up to me and feel sorry for me because my husband is a pastor. “Don’t you ever wish you were married to a plumber?” one person asked me.

However, in the first ten years of my husband’s ministry, I can honestly say that I have loved being a pastor’s wife. That doesn’t mean we don’t have problems or that we’re immune from sickness, frustration, and arguments. It simply means that I love my husband and am committed to him no matter what his vocation in life may be.

It is true that a pastor has many challenges and burdens to carry. He visits new babies in the hospital; he also visits teens who have attempted suicide. A pastor teaches the confirmands, and has to deal with their parents who almost never come to church. A pastor works for hours on a sermon, but then watches members of the congregation sleep through the message. These are burdens that your husband as a pastor will have to bear, and sometimes those burdens spill over to his personal life. But there are many more joys than frustrations. He has the joy of sincere gratitude from a member who needed to hear what he had to say. He also watches the children he baptized grow into young believers who share the love of God with their neighbors. He is honored at an anniversary lunch, showered with gifts, and bragged about by his congregation. A pastor’s duties are many and varied, and through each task, he ministers to sinners who come to hear about God’s forgiveness and love for them in Christ Jesus. And these blessings also spill over to the family.

As a pastor’s wife—just as in every other situation in life—we have a choice. We can choose to celebrate the joys in life, or we can focus only on the burdens. As a pastor’s wife I heard recently said: “Your husband is a servant of the King. What other joy in life could there be?” And then I think that Sarah—and I—have it pretty good.

Julie Stiegemeyer is the wife of Rev. Scott Stiegemeyer, the Director of Seminary Admission. They’ve been married for almost 18 years.